what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
