i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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