So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
