This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
