Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
