It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
