shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
