I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
