An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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