we're chasing vodka with high fives
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
