New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
