one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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