I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You smell like stripper and shame
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
