So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She needs sedatives and a leash
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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