So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
