just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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