I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
These tits shall not be calmed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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