You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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