i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
