This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
