Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
