I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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