I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
