I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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