i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
