I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
