just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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