those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
