is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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