I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
