i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
ok first of all what the fuck
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
