also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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