i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
