I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
