Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
