You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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