either way he was missing a nipple.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
