she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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