Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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