ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
