i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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