Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
