I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
