How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
