You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
