yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
