I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
