I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
