how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
