you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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