you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
